It's Me, Princess Nila Phoenix

Kadang aku berpikir bahwa aku telah mengenal cinta karena berbagai kisah cinta telah kulalui hingga saat ini. Namun, ketika kutanya hati kecilku tentang apa itu cinta, lalu hanya satu kata yang bisa terpikir oleh otakku, kata "cinta" itu sendiri. Kadang terasa mudah untuk mencintai, namun sulit untuk mengajar hati ini tentang hakikat cinta. Pernah dengar bahwa hanya orang yang kurang pandai yang jatuh pada lubang yang sama dua kali. Maka akan kusebut apa diriku yang jatuh pada lubang yang sama berkali-kali, lubang itu bernama cinta.

Kukira kisah yang kulalui selama ini adalah kisah cinta, mungkin ingin kubukukan kisah itu untuk kukenang kelak. Namun, aku menciut membaca kisah cinta mereka. Ini adalah kisah nyata. Cinta ini tidak adalah cinta yang kelak akan dikenang sepanjang masa....

Selamat datang di bulan Januari. Okay, mungkin agak telat kalo baru ngucapin sekarang, setelah Januari menginjak hari ke 9, tapi aku masih percaya bahwa it's better late than never. :)

Di tahun 2012, insya Allah semua postingan setiap bulan akan memiliki tema, misalnya bulan ini, setelah berpikir panjang, dengan perut yang alhamdulillah telah terisi air putih dan kentang goreng yang dibawa Uchy dari Maros, aku akhirnya memperoleh petunjuk. Januari yang terus diguyur hujan akan terasa dingin kecuali dia dibalut oleh cinta. Jadilah tema kita bulan ini adalah... *jrengjreng *drumroll

"Januari Bertabur Cinta"

Semua postingan akan membahas tentang cinta dan menceritakan kisah-kisah cinta abadi yang tak akan pudar tertelan zaman. I hope the love stories will be inspiring, since we--I believe--are waiting for our true love, the love of our life.

"Setelah puluhan abad hunian manusia di bumi, tidak ada satu kata pun yang kutemukan mampu menggambarkan perasaanku padanya. Sejak pertama kali aku melihatnya, aku langsung menyadari dialah anugerah terindah yang Allah berikan kepadaku. Bila saja mampu kuraih bulan, akan kuhadiahkan untuknya, karena senyumnya ibarat rembulan di malam hari bagiku. Tangisnya mengiris hatiku, meski kadang air mata itu menetes karena aku.

Don't you do this... do this instead... bla... bla...

May be you, guys know who the person(s) that may talk to you like that. They could be your boy friend, your best friends, your secret enemies, or your parents. Right now somehow I wanna talk about the last person, parent, Mom.

Last night before falling asleep, I was just upset to my Mom. I'm not gonna tell the detail, but the part I didn't like is when she was nag and said that nobody cares about her. It was not a long sentence and not suppose to make upset, but I was. And as always, I never said a word even if I thought she was wrong, I didn't wanna insult her, even if I felt that I was completely right.

I thought I was guilty for doing nothing. But that made me guilty indeed. It was not me who committed "the crime", but I should be a part of a preventive action. I kept saying that just being me was enough for her, but it wasn't. I did the best to make her proud, it was good, but not the best. I should be with her to educate my siblings, which I thought was not really my responsibility. I educated them, but apparently not well enough.

However, raising children, teenagers, is not easy, especially if you do it alone. But she does survive. May be she was not trying to blame me like I assumed, she's just trying to say that she was exhausted doing it all alone.

I am a kind of person who's not easily say "I love you" to my parents. It's even more difficult to say it in Bahasa, I don't know why. I just want her to know that I'm here also trying my best. It's not that I don't care, I just don't know how to show it. Being a good obedient girl was enough, but now I need to be a good sister to be a better daughter.

On the Bed,
February 5th 2011
09.52 am