Just A Morning Revelation

Don't you do this... do this instead... bla... bla...

May be you, guys know who the person(s) that may talk to you like that. They could be your boy friend, your best friends, your secret enemies, or your parents. Right now somehow I wanna talk about the last person, parent, Mom.

Last night before falling asleep, I was just upset to my Mom. I'm not gonna tell the detail, but the part I didn't like is when she was nag and said that nobody cares about her. It was not a long sentence and not suppose to make upset, but I was. And as always, I never said a word even if I thought she was wrong, I didn't wanna insult her, even if I felt that I was completely right.

I thought I was guilty for doing nothing. But that made me guilty indeed. It was not me who committed "the crime", but I should be a part of a preventive action. I kept saying that just being me was enough for her, but it wasn't. I did the best to make her proud, it was good, but not the best. I should be with her to educate my siblings, which I thought was not really my responsibility. I educated them, but apparently not well enough.

However, raising children, teenagers, is not easy, especially if you do it alone. But she does survive. May be she was not trying to blame me like I assumed, she's just trying to say that she was exhausted doing it all alone.

I am a kind of person who's not easily say "I love you" to my parents. It's even more difficult to say it in Bahasa, I don't know why. I just want her to know that I'm here also trying my best. It's not that I don't care, I just don't know how to show it. Being a good obedient girl was enough, but now I need to be a good sister to be a better daughter.

On the Bed,
February 5th 2011
09.52 am